The Stranger I Still Love

Writer: Hania Mostafa

Editor: Abdallah Sobhi

How did we reach this point? I keep wondering about this everyday, don’t you do too?

Because everyday, I’m losing a part of my sanity thinking about you, about us, and about the fact that we were each other’s everything but now we’re merely strangers. 

When did we stop sending each other morning texts with a cheesy line that we know will make the other person laugh? 

When did you stop surprising me with coffee and breakfast because you know how much I need them to start my day? 

When did we stop our late night conversations where we pretend we’re sitting on a beach and staring right into the stars? 

When did we stop sharing our love for everything artistic and soulful? 

When did we stop going on adventures and losing ourselves together? 

When did we stop the mid day “I love you” text? 

When did we stop crying together when one of us is feeling down because we can’t stand seeing each other hurting? 

When did we stop looking into each other’s eyes like we can’t get enough?

When did we stop being an “us”? 

And why? 

I just need to know and understand to be able to go on with my life. We were everything together and now we’re nothing. Absolutely nothing. I can’t stand this anymore. How could I? How can I accept that the person who was my everything is now supposed to be a stranger? We were once the essential part in each other’s day, but now I can’t find you. I can’t find this essential piece of the puzzle that is called “me.” Suddenly we’ve become the strangers we once were, and it’s destroying me. 

You get why I’m here today choosing to be the one to break the silence and talk? You get why I asked you for one last conversation? I don’t think you do because I didn’t realize the reason until now. I’m here to tell you that this won’t be our last conversation because I’m choosing to fight. I’m refusing to be a stranger to you. I don’t know why or who I’m supposed to fight to get us back to how we were, but I’m still ready. Maybe I’m fighting this harsh life we’re living in, or maybe I’m even fighting myself. I don’t know, but it doesn’t matter. Even if we’re going to have to go from “hi stranger” to “I love you, my everything” all over again. So now let’s order our coffees and talk as if we know nothing about each other. 

“How do you take your coffee, stranger?”